Lessons learned.

I'm learning that it's ok if you don't do laundry for three weeks, and when you finally do it, you have like a kajillion loads and your fiance's socks are on the crusty side. (Ew. That part's not as ok...)
& that it's alright if when you finally do your laundry, you don't fold your undies. Because, really, who's gonna know if they're wrinkly, and remember how you have a kajillion other things to fold/hang?
I'm learning that it's ok if you catch pneumonia and call in sick to work at both jobs, and skip class, and lay on the couch all day watching white trash television.
I'm learning that it's ok if you make a good lunch and then your fiance is super late getting there to eat said lunch and you try to keep it warm, and you try to be real patient, but eventually you remember you have no attention span and eat without him. And then he gets home. And then you decide to have seconds, just so you can eat with him. It's ok, even though you have to fit into a wedding dress in three months.
& I'm learning that it's ok if your whole blog post is run on sentences that probably make little or no sense.
& that it's ok to admit that you're a freakin' perfectionist, sometimes. That it's ok if you like some things done a specific way, even though it doesn't reeeeally matter...
I'm learning that it's ok if I'm not as awesome as my almost-MIL. It's ok if I don't make desserts every meal. Because, dangit, when I make rice crispies, they seem extra awesome.
I'm learning that it's ok if you kind of want to punch your neighbor children in the face every time you hear them running around like freakin' banshees and you come extra-close to doing so when they scream, "Hot girl!" every time they see you. (But it's only ok if you don't actually punch them...)
I'm learning it's ok to say, "I'm stressed." It's ok to not be Wonder Woman. & if sometimes, you put your hair in a messy bun and have a not-even-mascara, no-makeup type of day.
I'm learning that Pinterest weddings are a lot more fun than real weddings, and that I'm an awful wedding planner. I'm also learning that it's ok to say, "Whatever you think!" and "Yeah, that sounds great!" and be grateful for talented people who are willing to think up awesome ideas for me.
I'm learning that I'm blessed, and I'm learning to take things one day at a time and just. be. grateful.

Reasons I'm Crazy in Love Today

I'm one hundred percent in love with Skyler William Jorgensen.  & I think when "you know," you just freaking know.

Things he's done today to make me smile (mostly because I want to remember, because I'm sure you'll find them rather nauseating...):

--Rubbed my back during church
--Did half the dishes :)
--Watched Harry Potter (Ok, he slept through some of it, but he's a cute little snore-er, so it still made me happy.)
--Patted my belly and with a dead-serious face and tone said, "I want a wittle babyyy...." (Don't worry, I told him heck no, not yet, not for a long while. But it still made me super happy.)
--Don't worry, this one's totally the best: We were snuggling while he studied (aka, I was chilling doing nothing, he was studying) and I got to coughing again (I have tuberculosis. Basically.), and here is his direct quote:
"It's so hot when you cough in my ear like that."

Hahahahahaha. Brat....

Blessed. So incredibly blessed.

Insight

The other day, I was groaning. Literally, grumbling and groaning, with the realization that I was behind on my laundry, and my homework, and the whole seeing-my-fiance thing, and my housework. I find myself thinking harsh thoughts--thinking how inadequate I am, thinking how I need to get it together. I need to be perfect, in every way: I need a home cooked meal on the table every night, because Sky deserves that, after all of his hard work each day.  I need to be excelling in my classes, because to be quite honest, I've never done anything but over-achieve.  I need to have a spotless apartment, because that's how my mother's house is.  I need to have my laundry done, all of the time, crisply folded and hanging color-coded, because that is what adults do.  Adults get their crap together and somehow fit everything in to each day.
& then a thought came into my head.  A thought, which I took as an answer:

"I might not have it all together, but that doesn't mean I'm falling apart."

It's ok if sometimes I don't have everything right on track; the reality is that I don't know any other 21 year old who is balancing everything that I am. I am doing ok. I can do this. I am blessed.

Life is good, and I'm happy.

Just in case you'd somehow forgotten...

I love you so much. Yesterday, today, and for every tomorrow.

Fall 12 Semester

Can I just start by saying how incredible my life is?! I'm so, so blessed. Skyler (finally!!) moved here, we're making progress on wedding planning (ok, that was a mild lie.) and I get to finally just be with him! Hooray!
Seriously, I got a little crazy the last two weeks of being apart. I was working 45+ hours a week, and trying to get all sorts of ending/apartment stuffs done and it just was.not.happening. The man shows up, I continue working and add school onto my list of things to do, and somehow everything falls together. Faith, people. It's faith.
For example, when we were long distance I got a little crazy about the fact that I hadn't kissed my fiancé in two months, and just yesterday, Skyler said, "You don't kiss me enough." (& his comment was valid. It was like 4 pm and I hadn't kissed him once all day. Whoops!)  Our "problems" have changed, but everything is just so perfect.
& I know what you're thinking.... Honeymoon stage... But, to clarify that is inaccurate....
Example 1: Last night my hip hurt so so bad (Spin class. Hip flexors, it sucks.) so I put on my polar bear fuzzy pjs at 4. And whined the entirety of the afternoon. I couldnt even get myself in the car. Skyler called me an invalid.  Not very honeymoon-like. ;) Example 2: Last night, I was cleaning my bathroom and noticed, like, 2 hairs in my shower drain. Trying to be a big girl, I pulled on them. Bad idea. Off came my drain plug-thing (very technical term, I know.) and there was what I have now begun referring to as a ferret-sized hair clob. Auggggggh!!! Totally Sky's job. And he did it! (meanwhile, I sat on the kitchen floor literally gagging and dry heaving while he screamed at me that I'd better not puke.)
Obviously, my life is still awkward, but the other half of my "us" is absolutely fantastic and such a trooper through all of my crazy ideas and moments. 

I other news, I just began my semester and have no free time, yet just took on an Honors Program personal study where I'll be working in the schools with math students. It should be pretty bomb. I just lined it all up with my professor this morning and I am way, way excited!! I've missed my kiddos.
My classes are all ok, and being in math has once again reminded me of how big of a loser I am. In math, he was reading us all of these tricky story problems and I was whipping out the answers. For those of you who don't know, I love math (& school in general) and am a total nerd about it. As in, last night I looked up math problems online and did them. For fun. This semester should be great. 
I'm incredibly happy, incredibly blessed, and so so excited about this new chapter in my life! Sorry that this blog post was long and rambling with (once again) no pictures.
....I can't think of a way to end this, so I'll just go with a first grade ending and say....


The end.

dos dias.

two days from right now, i'm gonna be smoochin'. hahaahaha. okay, actually, if i'm as tired on thursday after my shift as i was today, i'll probably be snoozin'. either way, i will have my skyler here with me!!!
so, so blessed to be so, so in love with the best man in the whole-wide-world.

‎"What really matters is that he will love you, that he will respect you, that he will honor you, that he will be absolutely true to you, that he will give you the freedom of expression and let you fly in the development of your own talents. He is not going to be perfect, but if he is kind and thoughtful, if he knows how to work and earn a living, if he is honest and full of faith, the chances are you will not go wrong, that you will be immensely happy." --President Hinckley

Laugh.

This & That

So, in case you couldn't tell by my past twelve thousand blog entries/my semi-obnoxious, ohmygoshI'mgettingmarried Facebook statuses, I'M FREAKING GETTING MARRIED! Really. Alison, the queen of never-going-to-two-high-school-dances-with-the-same-boy-because-I-got-bored-too-fast*. It's not that I dated a lot, really. In fact, usually after one or two dates, I would think, "This guy's way too boring for me. Where's the surprise?! Where's the belly-laughs?" & was totally over it. & yet, I found my other half. My perfect, wonderful other half. & the best part? I get forever & ever with him!

[*We'll come back to that (^) subject later.]
That's right, folks. I found someone who never fails to surprise me, with his personality. Sky is hilarious, and totally gets me. (For instance, when I "write" a song, to the tune of "Coins In My Hands", he acts like this is totally normal behavior. & lets me sing it to him. A lot. NBD; & since I know you're now dieing to hear that song, enjoy!)

Please excuse my ADHD, where was I? Ahem...

So. He makes me belly laugh at least a bajillion times a day, and is totally up to playing "Pteradactyl" for 30 minutes via Skype and doesn't even think twice about it. He is absolutely perfect for me and can always tell exactly what I'm thinking. He is responsible and has goals and dreams and supports mine as well. Oh, and did I mention that he's freakin' gorgeous? Evidence:

Yep. He's pretty ridiculously hot. I know. (Someday, ten years from now, when we have kids, they'd better take after Daddy & skip my albino genes.)

However, I would like to point out how completely unfair it is, for me to come into this relationship. ;) 

His mom makes dessert (seriously) every day. Every day. Did you all read that?! Every. Freaking. Day. (Seriously, I was there for a week and a half and had more dessert than I had the past year, easily. Oh, and they have "Sunday dinner." I'm not sure if this is a Morm thing, but it = Alison cooking a "real" meal on Sunday, when I rather like going home and putting on jammies and eating popcorn for dinner. Don't judge.) He has lived with her for 20 of his 22 years. AKA--Skyler loves dessert. & I'll be honest, some days, just getting supper cooked is a bit of a stretch, let alone DESSERT! What the heck! (So if anyone has any fast, easy, delish dessert ideas, shoot 'em this way. Now's when the panic sets in!) When I brainstormed "desserts" I came up with (I know, I'm awesome..) cookies. Not even like, mix flour & sugar & chocolate chips type of cookies, but like store-bought, Nestle Toll House, already evenly sized cookies that you just plop on a pan. Something tells me he's going to be missin' home, real fast. :D

Pretty sure she's been plotting that, the past 22 years... :P (Totally kidding.)

Coming back to the * subject from earlier, I just had to tell this story, because it's freaking hilarious. High school dances.

So, recently, a friend of mine posted an old picture from a high school dance, that I went to with a guy from work. First, I want to be clear... he asked me about going with me. I didn't, like, beg him to go, or something.

When we got there, he ditched me to "hang out" with his friends. AKA, sit on the stairs, not dancing. WHAT?! Let's just get this straight, I am a FUN girl. I LOVE DANCES. & I can sure-as-heck shake my booty. Boys don't ditch me. ESPECIALLY not to dance with another girl, like, once, and then sit on the steps. They just don't.

So, naturally, we were all talking about how lame that experience was. & then another girl commented on the picture to inform me that...

He's becoming a Catholic priest.

It's all so much clearer now... Not really into the whole dancing-with-girls thing. I can stop taking it personally. :) Although, I've got to admit, I'm hoping this subject doesn't come up on Judgement Day. ;)

That's really all I have to say, for now. Please excuse my ADHD-blog-style, but the whole organization thing just never seems to happen.

I'll end the post with some engagements. (& can I just say that I freakin' love our photographer?! She's an old friend of Skyler's and she's super easy to work with, and I'm in love with the pictures she took!)

Too young to be old, too old to be young.

Twenty-one is an awkward age, for me. Okay, let's be honest: the past twenty-one years have been "awkward ages."  Maybe this year is just extra-awkward. I'm caught in this weird place, where I feel incredibly old, at moments, & way too young, at other moments.
At twenty-one, I got my last first kiss. I fell in love. I got engaged.
I will never, ever call my friends again to tell them about a great first date, which makes me feel just a little sad; on the other hand, I will also never call my friends crying that it "just didn't work out" again. I will never have to call my friends & tell them, "Eh, nevermind, total loser, I'm over it." I'm moving from first dates and first kisses to new firsts--first time through the temple, first home-cooked meal for my husband, first home together, first baby...
Ok, so some of those are a ways off, but I'm both incredibly excited and incredibly nervous. His mom rocks. Can I just say that? My soon-to-be mother-in-law is freaking amazing at everything, and that is what he is used to in a woman... He gets dessert EVERY night. That's the kind of pressure I'm dealing with, here, people! So basically, I think in some ways he'll want to strangle me through some of our firsts, haha. But I think we'll both have some learning to do. :)
Storytime: At his grandparents' house this summer, someone (maybe his grandma? his aunt? I can't remember.) told me that the dessert we were eating was Skyler's favorite, so I would have to get the recipe and make it.
Being instinctively Alison, I forgot to say the right things and instead said, "Oh, that's wonderful! He'll have to get the recipe and learn to make it for himself!"
Hahahahhaa. Wowza. Seriously, am I theee best fiance or what?! I bet they were so impressed. (Not.) Part of me was absolutely kidding--I love to cook/bake and I'm always down to try a new recipe. The other part of me was 100% serious, though. Skyler & I have discussed this, and for as long as we're both in school and both working, meals, cleaning, etc. is going to have to be a very equal partnership. :) So, heck yeah, I want him to make me dessert once in a while, or at least do the dishes afterwards!
In my dream world, in a few years I'll be able to have his babies and stay home with them. I'll get to raise our family and he'll come home every day to a homecooked meal (and dessert!) and kisses. I am so, so excited for that.
Yet, it makes me feel incredibly old. It hasn't even been two years since I left China; two years since I swore I was just going to travel for a couple of years after graduating.
I'm certain some people would tell me I'm "giving up my dreams" or "growing up too fast", but to me, I traded dreams. I traded that dream for a much bigger one I have--to be with my best friend for time & all eternity... & seriously, how sweet of a dream is that, to have come true?
I'm blessed beyond measure. I'm terrified for all of our new beginnings, but so excited to try each of them, and if I fall flat on my face in the process, try again. :) I love my Skyler and I love my life and I even think I might love finding that recipe & making him his favorite dessert. Maybe. ;)

Was It Worth It?

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/was-it-worth-it

I love this talk; we went through it in Relief Society (it's like all-girls Sunday School, basically) today, & oh, I love it. & it's hard for me not to get emotional when this topic comes up.


"As Dave spoke of his conversion and bore his testimony regarding these events, he asked the question, “So, was it worth it? Was all the effort of friends and youth leaders and my bishop, over all the years, worth the effort to have just one boy be baptized?” Pointing to Katherine and his five children, he said, “Well, at least for my wife and our five children, the answer is yes.”
Whenever the gospel is shared, it is never “just one boy.” Whenever conversion happens or someone returns to the Lord, it is a family that is saved. " 


I joined this church two years ago, last week. For two years, I have been complete. I'm happy. Do I say that enough? I am so, so happy.
I'm especially grateful, the past few months, for the man who changed my life. He didn't have to serve a mission; no one does. He chose to give two years of his life with his family, so I could have eternity with mine. That is the most unselfish and beautiful choice in the world, and I'm so, so grateful he made it. There is no one else who could have entered my life, changed it in the way he did, and helped me work out the kinks over and over until I felt comfortable and confident and happy. He was so patient when I was impossible, and loving when I was unlovable. He never failed to show me God's love for me.  I am certain that Heavenly Father chose him, personally, to be my missionary, and I could not have more love or respect for him.
I wonder, at times, if he ever felt like I was a lost cause--if he ever wondered why he was putting so much effort into someone as selfish and ungrateful and confused as I was.  I wonder if he questioned if it was worth it, at times.
& I can tell you that, at least to myself and my soon-to-be eternal companion, it was worth it. Because he taught me those lessons, over and over, and answered questions, over and over, I joined this church and gained a true knowledge of the Restored Gospel. Because he served a mission, I will soon be sealed to my best friend for time and all eternity. He changed not only my life, but my eternity.

This Church is true, this Gospel is real, and He lives and loves each of us. I am so happy that I had the wonderful support I did, to join this church, and feel so thankful that I will be sealed to my love in the temple, soon. Life is good, and I am blessed.

two.

It's been two whole years since I was baptized. Two years since my life changed drastically. Two years since I started over.
& while I won't go into details, or ramble on & on like we all know I tend to do, I wanted to share a couple of things from church on Sunday. They hit me hard, and have continued to serve as reminders throughout my week.

One speaker said that a Christ-like life is not easy, something I think we all know. But he went on to say something to the effect of...
"Christ was persecuted and hated; the life He chose was not convenient or simple for Him, nor will it be for us."
Well, if that's not a piece of humble pie, I don't know what is. :)

The other phrase he said that has helped re-align my perspective was,
"Christ suffered alone so we will not have to."

I am never alone. He has felt all of these frustrations and this anxiousness and every, single thing that I can ever experience. He knows me, He knows my heart, and He loves me so much that He was willing to experience the world's sorrows and heartaches and earthly pains, so that He can always stand by our side with empathy, understanding, and the strength to push us forward when we feel we cannot move. I am never alone.
I love this church. I love the peace it brings to my life, and the understanding that I am never alone. I love how much clearer my life seems, now.  I love that this Gospel has shaped me into the woman I am today. I am so, so blessed to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I am also incredibly blessed to have fallen in love with my best friend, and to have the opportunity to marry him in the temple for time and all eternity, in December.
I have no idea where I would be today, if it were not for the determination of a young man to push me to my limits and see how I could (and did) grow.  I have no idea where I would be, had he not thought outside the box, and followed the Spirit at all times. I'm so grateful for the faith and endurance he showed, when goodness knows I was anything but easy to get along with.
He lives, and He loves each of us. & I want you to know that: It is never too late. You are loved. This is real.

Mrs. Skyler Jorgensen {almost.}

So... he did it! He popped the question! 

Alison Renae Jorgensen.

(Sounds good, yeah?!)

It couldn't have been any more perfect.  I won't write the entire story, or everything he said to me, but I will write my favorite part:

S: "I want to be with you forever."

A: "And ever?"

S: "Forever, and ever, and a day."

I am so blessed. I am with the man of my dreams, and he thinks I'm pretty special, too. I get to be with him for time and all eternity, & I feel so incredibly blessed.
I am so excited to marry my best friend.  I have never been so sure of a decision, in my life.

"What is love? Many people think of it as mere physical attraction and they casually speak of 'falling in love' and 'love at first sight.'  This may be Hollywood's version and the interpretation of those who write love songs and love fiction.  True love is not wrapped in such flimsy material. One might become immediately attracted to another individual, but love is far more than physical attraction. It is deep, inclusive, and comprehensive.  Physical attraction is faith and confidence and understanding and partnership.  There must be common ideals and standards.  There must be a great devotion and companionship. Love is cleanliness and progress and sacrifice and selflessness. This kind of love never tires nor wanes, but lives through sickness and sorrow, poverty and privation, accomplishment and disappointment, time and eternity."
--Spencer W. Kimball

Time & all eternity, with Skyler William?
Oh, absolutely. Abso-freaking-lutely. I can't think of anything I want more. :)

Preview :)

"Sure it is tough—before you join the Church, while you are trying to join, and after you have joined." That is the way it has always been, Paul said, but don't "draw back," he warned. Don't panic and retreat. Don't lose your confidence. Don't forget how you once felt. Don't distrust the experience you had. That tenacity is what saved Moses when the adversary confronted him, and it is what will save you."


http://speeches.byu.edu/reader/reader.php?id=8501

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_5lG5Hx69I&feature=player_embedded

Man, oh man, do I ever love this talk. I'll blog more on it later. But I didn't want to lose these links so consider this your preview.

peace

That awkward moment when you're informed how much you've sucked for the past year.
That blessed moment when you know they aren't right, and you just feel at peace.

Us Against Them

I'm worn out, with that mentality.  With this "us against them" thinking. Mostly because I'm not sure who everyone is classifying as "us" and who is "them."  If I'm defining it the way I feel most people think of it, maybe I'm both.  Maybe I'm an us, for the past two years, and a them at my core.  Maybe I am a "halfsie" like it's been said.  Maybe I'm only part "us."

Maybe that's true. Maybe I'm mistaken.
But I think the reality is that every person on this Earth today is an "us."  That "they"--the third--lost; that we're left with Satan's influence, but that each of us, at one point or another, chose Heavenly Father.  No matter how much we screw up here on Earth, we chose Him.  We chose this experience.  We chose this life--this plan.
It just takes some of us a little longer to remember we're part of the "us."  It takes some of us a little longer to remember how much we, at one point, loved the plan.
Maybe the truth is that it took me those nineteen years to remember that I love the Lord, and that I am here to grow and to glorify His name.
But I don't feel that makes me weak.  I don't see that as a flaw. I don't see being a so-called "convert" as an awful thing at all.
I learned. I grew. It makes me fight harder. It brought wonderful people into my life. It taught me self-discipline, and how to be independent. & every single day, it blesses me more and more.  Through every challenge, I learn how to better love His people.
I was an "us" all along.  I just forgot to live that way, for my first few years.
& remembering has made me stronger.

I believe in Christ.  I believe that Jesus Christ came to Earth to have this mortal experience, knowing exactly what He needed to do to save me from myself.  I believe that He chose to suffer excruciatingly so that our sins can be washed clean and so when we face trials, the Atonement can make our burdens light.  I know that He loves me, personally.  I know that Heavenly Father wants each of us to return to Him.
& I believe that it is our duty to help our brothers and sisters return to Him, as well.  If we are not working on them, as well as ourselves, we are not doing enough.

My name is Alison, and I'm a convert.
& I don't understand that statement, because I chose Him long before I came to this Earth.  I don't understand how July 17th makes me a "convert" in your eyes.

But I think you've got it all wrong.
& I'm trying my hardest to love you anyway.