Twenty-one is an awkward age, for me. Okay, let's be honest: the past twenty-one years have been "awkward ages." Maybe this year is just extra-awkward. I'm caught in this weird place, where I feel incredibly old, at moments, & way too young, at other moments.
At twenty-one, I got my last first kiss. I fell in love. I got engaged.
I will never, ever call my friends again to tell them about a great first date, which makes me feel just a little sad; on the other hand, I will also never call my friends crying that it "just didn't work out" again. I will never have to call my friends & tell them, "Eh, nevermind, total loser, I'm over it." I'm moving from first dates and first kisses to new firsts--first time through the temple, first home-cooked meal for my husband, first home together, first baby...
Ok, so some of those are a ways off, but I'm both incredibly excited and incredibly nervous. His mom rocks. Can I just say that? My soon-to-be mother-in-law is freaking amazing at everything, and that is what he is used to in a woman... He gets dessert EVERY night. That's the kind of pressure I'm dealing with, here, people! So basically, I think in some ways he'll want to strangle me through some of our firsts, haha. But I think we'll both have some learning to do. :)
Storytime: At his grandparents' house this summer, someone (maybe his grandma? his aunt? I can't remember.) told me that the dessert we were eating was Skyler's favorite, so I would have to get the recipe and make it.
Being instinctively Alison, I forgot to say the right things and instead said, "Oh, that's wonderful! He'll have to get the recipe and learn to make it for himself!"
Hahahahhaa. Wowza. Seriously, am I theee best fiance or what?! I bet they were so impressed. (Not.) Part of me was absolutely kidding--I love to cook/bake and I'm always down to try a new recipe. The other part of me was 100% serious, though. Skyler & I have discussed this, and for as long as we're both in school and both working, meals, cleaning, etc. is going to have to be a very equal partnership. :) So, heck yeah, I want him to make me dessert once in a while, or at least do the dishes afterwards!
In my dream world, in a few years I'll be able to have his babies and stay home with them. I'll get to raise our family and he'll come home every day to a homecooked meal (and dessert!) and kisses. I am so, so excited for that.
Yet, it makes me feel incredibly old. It hasn't even been two years since I left China; two years since I swore I was just going to travel for a couple of years after graduating.
I'm certain some people would tell me I'm "giving up my dreams" or "growing up too fast", but to me, I traded dreams. I traded that dream for a much bigger one I have--to be with my best friend for time & all eternity... & seriously, how sweet of a dream is that, to have come true?
I'm blessed beyond measure. I'm terrified for all of our new beginnings, but so excited to try each of them, and if I fall flat on my face in the process, try again. :) I love my Skyler and I love my life and I even think I might love finding that recipe & making him his favorite dessert. Maybe. ;)
7.22.2012
Was It Worth It?
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/was-it-worth-it
I love this talk; we went through it in Relief Society (it's like all-girls Sunday School, basically) today, & oh, I love it. & it's hard for me not to get emotional when this topic comes up.
"As Dave spoke of his conversion and bore his testimony regarding these events, he asked the question, “So, was it worth it? Was all the effort of friends and youth leaders and my bishop, over all the years, worth the effort to have just one boy be baptized?” Pointing to Katherine and his five children, he said, “Well, at least for my wife and our five children, the answer is yes.”
Whenever the gospel is shared, it is never “just one boy.” Whenever conversion happens or someone returns to the Lord, it is a family that is saved. "
I joined this church two years ago, last week. For two years, I have been complete. I'm happy. Do I say that enough? I am so, so happy.
I'm especially grateful, the past few months, for the man who changed my life. He didn't have to serve a mission; no one does. He chose to give two years of his life with his family, so I could have eternity with mine. That is the most unselfish and beautiful choice in the world, and I'm so, so grateful he made it. There is no one else who could have entered my life, changed it in the way he did, and helped me work out the kinks over and over until I felt comfortable and confident and happy. He was so patient when I was impossible, and loving when I was unlovable. He never failed to show me God's love for me. I am certain that Heavenly Father chose him, personally, to be my missionary, and I could not have more love or respect for him.
I wonder, at times, if he ever felt like I was a lost cause--if he ever wondered why he was putting so much effort into someone as selfish and ungrateful and confused as I was. I wonder if he questioned if it was worth it, at times.
& I can tell you that, at least to myself and my soon-to-be eternal companion, it was worth it. Because he taught me those lessons, over and over, and answered questions, over and over, I joined this church and gained a true knowledge of the Restored Gospel. Because he served a mission, I will soon be sealed to my best friend for time and all eternity. He changed not only my life, but my eternity.
This Church is true, this Gospel is real, and He lives and loves each of us. I am so happy that I had the wonderful support I did, to join this church, and feel so thankful that I will be sealed to my love in the temple, soon. Life is good, and I am blessed.
I love this talk; we went through it in Relief Society (it's like all-girls Sunday School, basically) today, & oh, I love it. & it's hard for me not to get emotional when this topic comes up.
"As Dave spoke of his conversion and bore his testimony regarding these events, he asked the question, “So, was it worth it? Was all the effort of friends and youth leaders and my bishop, over all the years, worth the effort to have just one boy be baptized?” Pointing to Katherine and his five children, he said, “Well, at least for my wife and our five children, the answer is yes.”
Whenever the gospel is shared, it is never “just one boy.” Whenever conversion happens or someone returns to the Lord, it is a family that is saved. "
I joined this church two years ago, last week. For two years, I have been complete. I'm happy. Do I say that enough? I am so, so happy.
I'm especially grateful, the past few months, for the man who changed my life. He didn't have to serve a mission; no one does. He chose to give two years of his life with his family, so I could have eternity with mine. That is the most unselfish and beautiful choice in the world, and I'm so, so grateful he made it. There is no one else who could have entered my life, changed it in the way he did, and helped me work out the kinks over and over until I felt comfortable and confident and happy. He was so patient when I was impossible, and loving when I was unlovable. He never failed to show me God's love for me. I am certain that Heavenly Father chose him, personally, to be my missionary, and I could not have more love or respect for him.
I wonder, at times, if he ever felt like I was a lost cause--if he ever wondered why he was putting so much effort into someone as selfish and ungrateful and confused as I was. I wonder if he questioned if it was worth it, at times.
& I can tell you that, at least to myself and my soon-to-be eternal companion, it was worth it. Because he taught me those lessons, over and over, and answered questions, over and over, I joined this church and gained a true knowledge of the Restored Gospel. Because he served a mission, I will soon be sealed to my best friend for time and all eternity. He changed not only my life, but my eternity.
This Church is true, this Gospel is real, and He lives and loves each of us. I am so happy that I had the wonderful support I did, to join this church, and feel so thankful that I will be sealed to my love in the temple, soon. Life is good, and I am blessed.
7.17.2012
two.
It's been two whole years since I was baptized. Two years since my life changed drastically. Two years since I started over.
& while I won't go into details, or ramble on & on like we all know I tend to do, I wanted to share a couple of things from church on Sunday. They hit me hard, and have continued to serve as reminders throughout my week.
One speaker said that a Christ-like life is not easy, something I think we all know. But he went on to say something to the effect of...
"Christ was persecuted and hated; the life He chose was not convenient or simple for Him, nor will it be for us."
Well, if that's not a piece of humble pie, I don't know what is. :)
The other phrase he said that has helped re-align my perspective was,
"Christ suffered alone so we will not have to."
I am never alone. He has felt all of these frustrations and this anxiousness and every, single thing that I can ever experience. He knows me, He knows my heart, and He loves me so much that He was willing to experience the world's sorrows and heartaches and earthly pains, so that He can always stand by our side with empathy, understanding, and the strength to push us forward when we feel we cannot move. I am never alone.
I love this church. I love the peace it brings to my life, and the understanding that I am never alone. I love how much clearer my life seems, now. I love that this Gospel has shaped me into the woman I am today. I am so, so blessed to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I am also incredibly blessed to have fallen in love with my best friend, and to have the opportunity to marry him in the temple for time and all eternity, in December.
I have no idea where I would be today, if it were not for the determination of a young man to push me to my limits and see how I could (and did) grow. I have no idea where I would be, had he not thought outside the box, and followed the Spirit at all times. I'm so grateful for the faith and endurance he showed, when goodness knows I was anything but easy to get along with.
He lives, and He loves each of us. & I want you to know that: It is never too late. You are loved. This is real.
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