Too young to be old, too old to be young.

Twenty-one is an awkward age, for me. Okay, let's be honest: the past twenty-one years have been "awkward ages."  Maybe this year is just extra-awkward. I'm caught in this weird place, where I feel incredibly old, at moments, & way too young, at other moments.
At twenty-one, I got my last first kiss. I fell in love. I got engaged.
I will never, ever call my friends again to tell them about a great first date, which makes me feel just a little sad; on the other hand, I will also never call my friends crying that it "just didn't work out" again. I will never have to call my friends & tell them, "Eh, nevermind, total loser, I'm over it." I'm moving from first dates and first kisses to new firsts--first time through the temple, first home-cooked meal for my husband, first home together, first baby...
Ok, so some of those are a ways off, but I'm both incredibly excited and incredibly nervous. His mom rocks. Can I just say that? My soon-to-be mother-in-law is freaking amazing at everything, and that is what he is used to in a woman... He gets dessert EVERY night. That's the kind of pressure I'm dealing with, here, people! So basically, I think in some ways he'll want to strangle me through some of our firsts, haha. But I think we'll both have some learning to do. :)
Storytime: At his grandparents' house this summer, someone (maybe his grandma? his aunt? I can't remember.) told me that the dessert we were eating was Skyler's favorite, so I would have to get the recipe and make it.
Being instinctively Alison, I forgot to say the right things and instead said, "Oh, that's wonderful! He'll have to get the recipe and learn to make it for himself!"
Hahahahhaa. Wowza. Seriously, am I theee best fiance or what?! I bet they were so impressed. (Not.) Part of me was absolutely kidding--I love to cook/bake and I'm always down to try a new recipe. The other part of me was 100% serious, though. Skyler & I have discussed this, and for as long as we're both in school and both working, meals, cleaning, etc. is going to have to be a very equal partnership. :) So, heck yeah, I want him to make me dessert once in a while, or at least do the dishes afterwards!
In my dream world, in a few years I'll be able to have his babies and stay home with them. I'll get to raise our family and he'll come home every day to a homecooked meal (and dessert!) and kisses. I am so, so excited for that.
Yet, it makes me feel incredibly old. It hasn't even been two years since I left China; two years since I swore I was just going to travel for a couple of years after graduating.
I'm certain some people would tell me I'm "giving up my dreams" or "growing up too fast", but to me, I traded dreams. I traded that dream for a much bigger one I have--to be with my best friend for time & all eternity... & seriously, how sweet of a dream is that, to have come true?
I'm blessed beyond measure. I'm terrified for all of our new beginnings, but so excited to try each of them, and if I fall flat on my face in the process, try again. :) I love my Skyler and I love my life and I even think I might love finding that recipe & making him his favorite dessert. Maybe. ;)