ok, so confession:
i've been wanting to do a grateful list for a while, but just couldn't bring myself to do it amongst all the cliche thanksgiving gratefulness. so... now that thanksgiving is over, i can get back to my regular grateful lists. :)
I'm grateful for...
--a boy [he would make me say "man" but it's my blog, so whatev] who never gave up on me & helped me find/build my own foundation, on my terms and in my way.
--& every stubborn lecture that came/comes along with it. booty shorts [& all things modest], reading my scrips, attending my meetings, not cursing, and remembering not to worry.
--hearing, "i raised you well." & laughing because it was a joke, but smiling because i knew it had sincerity behind it & maybe i'm not as terrible at this as i tend to believe.
--sleeping in, over break. actually getting sleep & just feeling normal again. sleep deprivation sucks.
--learning to [mostly] hold it together. learning to find the positive. learning to be okay with their choices.
--a boyfran who tells me i'm pretty & is patient & honors his priesthood & makes me smile.
--dreaming in Chinese. i hadn't for a while, and was worried i was losin' the language.
--a job that i'm in love with & the precious kiddos i teach.
--boys who are fully serving Him. He has some of the best (& some of my own personal favorite) people in the world workin' for Him right now, so i'd say that means there's plenty of hope left in this world.
--the rc.
--being told something a jillion times, & then finally having it click.
--serving others. i think i really realized just how much i love it, this week.
--having one of my best friends in the whole wide world serving the Lord. & all of the uplifting things he tells me. & getting hilarious emails from him every week. this week's highlight?: "if you go and get married before I get home I SWEAR!!!!!" hahahaha. [& no, no that will not be happening. :)]
--dr. pepper. a year ago right now, i was having the biggest withdrawals of my life, without it. i think drinking it makes life complete. :) [addict? yesh.]
--cassie. i could write a novel, right here, about her. but that'd be slightly les. so i'll keep it simple & just say she's the best bestfran in the whole wide world.
--warm-ish weather. i am loving this mild winter. [knock on wood.]
11.29.2011
11.22.2011
[occupy]
i'll admit it: i don't get this whole "occupy" movement.
but i have made some observations...
is having a bunch of people sit on the ground with a poster really making an impact? is it?
yes, it's on the news. i've watched i don't even know how many people get pepper sprayed.
and do you want to know what i thought, as i watched it?
"holy shhh, that would hurt."
i don't walk away from the tv screen, thinking about how important their movement is, because i'm so busy trying to figure out what it would feel like to be pepper sprayed.
effective?
...not really.
& i know what the argument is: this is how people have gotten things done in the past--movements.
but i struggle to see the connection between this and, say, the civil rights movement.
they had structure. they had passion. they were speaking out, not just sitting down. they were more concerned with the end result they were striving for, than how many people they have lined up, posterboard in hand with a catchy slogan.
so, i guess if you want to, go ahead and "occupy". "occupy" those sidewalks to your little heart's content... but i don't expect much change to come from it.
on that note, i'd also like to say that maybe i just don't get it. maybe this is a huge ordeal and i should be more concerned. maybe i should be worried about wall street & finances & corruption.
but to be quite honest, who gives a crap? is that really what we're worried about? is that really what matters?
did you know that something like 30% of children in Buffalo County regularly miss meals? those are the children in our neighborhoods. that's in the mid-west, which is widely accepted as a hospitable place to be... what do you think those rates are like in inner-cities?
did you know that every 40 seconds, someone commits suicide; were you aware that by 2020, that rate is expected to have risen to one death every 20 seconds? that's three a minute.
were you aware that in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, the most deadly war since WWII is happening, right now? did you realize that they are sending boys who are too small to hold a gun with just a whistle, to try to distract or scare their enemies? did you know that every single day, 1,500 people in the DRC die, as a direct result of the war? did you know that sexual violence is more rampant there than anywhere else in the world--that it's been called the worst place to be a woman?
did you know that in the U.S. in 2009, there were 5,016 hate crimes against people of homosexual orientation? that's almost 14 a day. and do you honestly think those rates have dropped since then?
and, what you're telling me, is that we're worried about spending our time and energy on occupying? that that is more important than these real issues? that standing up to some faceless corporation is more important than standing up for the real issues that real people are facing?
i don't know what else to say, other than that those are the most screwed up priorities i've ever heard of. correct me if i'm wrong, but that sounds an awful lot like bullshit to me.
but i have made some observations...
is having a bunch of people sit on the ground with a poster really making an impact? is it?
yes, it's on the news. i've watched i don't even know how many people get pepper sprayed.
and do you want to know what i thought, as i watched it?
"holy shhh, that would hurt."
i don't walk away from the tv screen, thinking about how important their movement is, because i'm so busy trying to figure out what it would feel like to be pepper sprayed.
effective?
...not really.
& i know what the argument is: this is how people have gotten things done in the past--movements.
but i struggle to see the connection between this and, say, the civil rights movement.
they had structure. they had passion. they were speaking out, not just sitting down. they were more concerned with the end result they were striving for, than how many people they have lined up, posterboard in hand with a catchy slogan.
so, i guess if you want to, go ahead and "occupy". "occupy" those sidewalks to your little heart's content... but i don't expect much change to come from it.
on that note, i'd also like to say that maybe i just don't get it. maybe this is a huge ordeal and i should be more concerned. maybe i should be worried about wall street & finances & corruption.
but to be quite honest, who gives a crap? is that really what we're worried about? is that really what matters?
did you know that something like 30% of children in Buffalo County regularly miss meals? those are the children in our neighborhoods. that's in the mid-west, which is widely accepted as a hospitable place to be... what do you think those rates are like in inner-cities?
did you know that every 40 seconds, someone commits suicide; were you aware that by 2020, that rate is expected to have risen to one death every 20 seconds? that's three a minute.
were you aware that in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, the most deadly war since WWII is happening, right now? did you realize that they are sending boys who are too small to hold a gun with just a whistle, to try to distract or scare their enemies? did you know that every single day, 1,500 people in the DRC die, as a direct result of the war? did you know that sexual violence is more rampant there than anywhere else in the world--that it's been called the worst place to be a woman?
did you know that in the U.S. in 2009, there were 5,016 hate crimes against people of homosexual orientation? that's almost 14 a day. and do you honestly think those rates have dropped since then?
and, what you're telling me, is that we're worried about spending our time and energy on occupying? that that is more important than these real issues? that standing up to some faceless corporation is more important than standing up for the real issues that real people are facing?
i don't know what else to say, other than that those are the most screwed up priorities i've ever heard of. correct me if i'm wrong, but that sounds an awful lot like bullshit to me.
11.20.2011
thoughts of the week.
--boys are weird. it makes me extremely uncomfortable when they try to hit on me. i know some girls like when random guys they barely know flirt with them... but i am not one of those girls.
what i said: (silence)
what i wanted to say: "ohh, you like my eyes?? really? that's so sweet... i actually have the same eyes as my grandma. and she's single (unlike me) so if you want, i could give you her number...? she's a really good cook. so ya know."
--tj maxx is heaven. love, love, love. <3
--speaking of girls who like boys, someone on my facebook friends list makes up imaginary boyfriends. it's really awkward. & i wonder if other people notice, or it's just me...
note to all girls: it's not acceptable to create boyfriends (& dramatic breakups?) past grade school. thank you.
--i'm going to save up for a pony. and to pay someone to pick up the pony's poo, because have you ever seen how big their poo is? yuck.
--you know you have a keeper when you find THE MOST hideous outfit at the store, put it on, text a picture of it to a boy and he still says you're pretty. (i generally don't condone lieing, but i make exceptions for this.)
--mannheim steamroller is freakishly good. & they have a recorder player. #lifegoal.
--i will not cry, i will not cry, i will not cry, i will not cry....
--my job is better than your job.
--is it turkey day yet? pretty, pretty pleaseeee? [ps: note to the family... if there's no green bean casserole, i'm not coming. xoxo.]
what i said: (silence)
what i wanted to say: "ohh, you like my eyes?? really? that's so sweet... i actually have the same eyes as my grandma. and she's single (unlike me) so if you want, i could give you her number...? she's a really good cook. so ya know."
--tj maxx is heaven. love, love, love. <3
--speaking of girls who like boys, someone on my facebook friends list makes up imaginary boyfriends. it's really awkward. & i wonder if other people notice, or it's just me...
note to all girls: it's not acceptable to create boyfriends (& dramatic breakups?) past grade school. thank you.
--i'm going to save up for a pony. and to pay someone to pick up the pony's poo, because have you ever seen how big their poo is? yuck.
--you know you have a keeper when you find THE MOST hideous outfit at the store, put it on, text a picture of it to a boy and he still says you're pretty. (i generally don't condone lieing, but i make exceptions for this.)
--mannheim steamroller is freakishly good. & they have a recorder player. #lifegoal.
--i will not cry, i will not cry, i will not cry, i will not cry....
--my job is better than your job.
--is it turkey day yet? pretty, pretty pleaseeee? [ps: note to the family... if there's no green bean casserole, i'm not coming. xoxo.]
11.18.2011
11.17.2011
--change--
We are taught you must blame your father, your sisters, your brothers, the school, the teachers - you can blame anyone but never blame yourself. It's never your fault. But it's always your fault, because if you wanted to change, you're the one who has got to change. It's as simple as that, isn't it?
--Katherine Hepburn
--Katherine Hepburn
11.16.2011
j & the toothfairy
i love my job.
love it.
today i have to brag about how awesome it is, and how freakin' funny those babes are.
"j" lost his tooth last week. not just lost, but lost it while eating carrots, and noticed like thirty minutes later. he screamed "MISS DAVIS!!!" he then told me (all of this in hysterics, with his cute little seven-year-old lisp) that he lost his tooth.
i instantly thought, "he swallowed it."
but of course we had to search the classroom high & low for this tooth. (while it jiggled around in his tummy. it's whatev.)
i finally explained to him that it was in his tummy.
"NOoooOOooooOOO!!! I have to get MONEY!"
i.
tried.
every.thing.
to calm him down.
& he was absolutely hysterical. tears in his bambi eyes [you know, bambi eyes... like... how little kids have big round eyes when they're sad? those are the ones.] & whimpery noises... the whole she-bang.
& did i mention this kid is ADORABLE?? absolutely precious.
so it broke my heart.
(&, ok, i giggled inside a little, too...)
finally, i broke out my last resort:
"do you want me to call the tooth fairy? we're friends..." --me
[instantly calm] "Yeah!" --j
hahahaha. what an awesome kid.
so "the toothfairy" told me that if he wrote a letter to her, and explained what happened, she'd still come.
good news, folks.
one short phone call home to mom (she's besties with the tooth fairy, too?? hmm, weird...), and twenty minutes spent on a letter to the toothfairy,
and j got a visit from none other than the tooth fairy, that night!
*whew!*
so, today, he came up to me with the biggest grin on his face, and handed me a card. it was a thank you card from his mom, for helping him write the letter, and she was so sweet; in it he wrote "thank you. i got two dollars."
hahahaha. i love that kid.
basically, today i remembered why i want this career. not necessarily because i love teaching seven year olds that the fifth tally mark is a slant ("close the gate!"). not necessarily because i enjoy reminding them every five minutes to control their bodily functions ("get your hands out of your pants," "go blow your nose," "stop spitting on your neighbors," etc. <--true life: these all happened this week. score.) not necessarily because i enjoy reminding them a thousand and three times to put their listening ears on.
but because i love that grin.
because i love when you see something click in their heads. when they finally get that thing you've been teaching them alllll week.
because i love knowing that it matters.
& because i love those kiddos.
good day.
today i'm grateful for amazing kids who make me laugh, & their mommas who notice the little things i do, and thank me [when i most needed to hear it mattered...]
[blessed.]
love it.
today i have to brag about how awesome it is, and how freakin' funny those babes are.
"j" lost his tooth last week. not just lost, but lost it while eating carrots, and noticed like thirty minutes later. he screamed "MISS DAVIS!!!" he then told me (all of this in hysterics, with his cute little seven-year-old lisp) that he lost his tooth.
i instantly thought, "he swallowed it."
but of course we had to search the classroom high & low for this tooth. (while it jiggled around in his tummy. it's whatev.)
i finally explained to him that it was in his tummy.
"NOoooOOooooOOO!!! I have to get MONEY!"
i.
tried.
every.thing.
to calm him down.
& he was absolutely hysterical. tears in his bambi eyes [you know, bambi eyes... like... how little kids have big round eyes when they're sad? those are the ones.] & whimpery noises... the whole she-bang.
& did i mention this kid is ADORABLE?? absolutely precious.
so it broke my heart.
(&, ok, i giggled inside a little, too...)
finally, i broke out my last resort:
"do you want me to call the tooth fairy? we're friends..." --me
[instantly calm] "Yeah!" --j
hahahaha. what an awesome kid.
so "the toothfairy" told me that if he wrote a letter to her, and explained what happened, she'd still come.
good news, folks.
one short phone call home to mom (she's besties with the tooth fairy, too?? hmm, weird...), and twenty minutes spent on a letter to the toothfairy,
and j got a visit from none other than the tooth fairy, that night!
*whew!*
so, today, he came up to me with the biggest grin on his face, and handed me a card. it was a thank you card from his mom, for helping him write the letter, and she was so sweet; in it he wrote "thank you. i got two dollars."
hahahaha. i love that kid.
basically, today i remembered why i want this career. not necessarily because i love teaching seven year olds that the fifth tally mark is a slant ("close the gate!"). not necessarily because i enjoy reminding them every five minutes to control their bodily functions ("get your hands out of your pants," "go blow your nose," "stop spitting on your neighbors," etc. <--true life: these all happened this week. score.) not necessarily because i enjoy reminding them a thousand and three times to put their listening ears on.
but because i love that grin.
because i love when you see something click in their heads. when they finally get that thing you've been teaching them alllll week.
because i love knowing that it matters.
& because i love those kiddos.
good day.
today i'm grateful for amazing kids who make me laugh, & their mommas who notice the little things i do, and thank me [when i most needed to hear it mattered...]
[blessed.]
11.15.2011
husker love.
[this is a tad bit overdue. oopsies.]
i'm a huskers fan.
[go big red.]
& not in the cute girlish way where i just like to wear red & jump up and down shrieking.
in the slightly manly, jump up & down screaming at the top of my lungs at my tv screen type of way.
i'm a lucky girl, & one of my besties, gabe, invited me for a fun-filled weekend in lincoln.
the huskers were playing north-western.
which was supposed to be a we-kick-ace type of game; which turned out to be a we-gave-away-the-game-on-a-gold-platter type of game.
it's whatev.
so... here's the weekend in review.
gabe thinks it's ok to grab my leg and pull me entirely under the booth so i have to crawl out. and everyone in the restaurant thinks i was down there for less appropriate reasons. awesome. best fran.
stay classy, unl. stay classy...
gabe thinks i'm pretty when i sleep. that's why he took this picture. [or at least that's what i tell myself.]
go loperssss! k-e-a-r-n-e, k-e-a-r-n-e, k-e-a-r-n-e-y!! <3
kickoff! [hence all of the shoes off.]
in case you couldn't tell, gabe was not impressed with how they were playing. [and no, we didn't sit down during the game. this was a timeout.]
go lopers?
&, ok, this has nothing to do with the huskers, but... sunday was elder jorgensen's last sunday in nebraska!! VERY excited for him to start this next chapter in his life & so proud of him for serving a mission.
11.10.2011
blessed, to say the least
facts:
one of the scariest parts of my week,
is pulling on my pj shirt & realizing it doesn't smell like the owner anymore.
not even a little.
no matter where i smell it.
& realizing it'll be months before it does.
& trying not to panic.
deep breaths.
keep calm, & carry on.
"well he loves you, and that is all i know."
my goodness, that was the most reassuring moment of my day.
a little flicker of light.
in my head, i know what people will think; what they will say.
& i know the reality. i know the truth.
i know what did, & what most definitely did not, happen.
i know how much it was prayed about.
i know.
& so i don't need anyone else to.
it's been a long day.
another long day.
a day of alison over-analyzing & being crazy.
i'll be honest. i'm freakin' losing it.
but i think you would be, too.
i think that, if you were in my shoes, you'd be just as messy.
& even if you weren't, i am.
& i don't care what that says about me.
today i was reminded how proud He is of me;
one of my favorite people told me how little anyone else matters;
how it's about the fact that He is proud of me,
& how i should be proud of myself,
& that is enough.
how i need to stop being hard on myself,
& remember the journey i've made.
remember how far i've come,
rather than concentrate solely on how far i have to go.
i am blessed.
right now, i'm ready for a weekend of fun.
ready to breathe.
ready to be okay again.
ready to remember who i am, remember who He loves. <3
[& remember who he loves.]
one of the scariest parts of my week,
is pulling on my pj shirt & realizing it doesn't smell like the owner anymore.
not even a little.
no matter where i smell it.
& realizing it'll be months before it does.
& trying not to panic.
deep breaths.
keep calm, & carry on.
"well he loves you, and that is all i know."
my goodness, that was the most reassuring moment of my day.
a little flicker of light.
in my head, i know what people will think; what they will say.
& i know the reality. i know the truth.
i know what did, & what most definitely did not, happen.
i know how much it was prayed about.
i know.
& so i don't need anyone else to.
it's been a long day.
another long day.
a day of alison over-analyzing & being crazy.
i'll be honest. i'm freakin' losing it.
but i think you would be, too.
i think that, if you were in my shoes, you'd be just as messy.
& even if you weren't, i am.
& i don't care what that says about me.
today i was reminded how proud He is of me;
one of my favorite people told me how little anyone else matters;
how it's about the fact that He is proud of me,
& how i should be proud of myself,
& that is enough.
how i need to stop being hard on myself,
& remember the journey i've made.
remember how far i've come,
rather than concentrate solely on how far i have to go.
i am blessed.
right now, i'm ready for a weekend of fun.
ready to breathe.
ready to be okay again.
ready to remember who i am, remember who He loves. <3
[& remember who he loves.]
11.09.2011
[In the strength of the Lord, I can do hard things]
i'm frustrated.
there, i said it.
you aggravate me.
you get under my skin.
you hurt my feelings.
the truth is that i was ready to throw in the towel.
eager, even. anxious.
ready for that new page,the fresh start.
& then He decided that wasn't His plan.
the thing is, we all know i'm not on equal terms.
that i'm always going to be a [word i refuse to type, which you so love to use.]
that you'll always consider july 17th proof enough that i'm inferior.
that you'll always treat me differently.
& that i'll always let you; that i gave up trying to change it.
i think something i use as a life motto is that people are not projects.
i don't need to be under your wing, thank you very much.
i don't need you.
do you want to know the truth?
i left there, in may, without saying a word.
and do you know how many times anyone checked on me?
that'd be a grand total of zero.
& the truth is, that i know i could do that at any point.
that i could never go back, no questions asked.
& that idea is tempting;
some days i half-beg for it.
& that terrifies me.
mostly, i've realized what i guess i knew all along:
it's just me & Him.
it's always been me & Him.
because what it really comes down to is
the fact that some people can't get past a date or a label.
the fact that this is my battle, & no one else is going to fight it.
it's me & Him.
& the thing is, i know that when i have Him on my side, i can do hard things.
i can be that tough little cookie i used to be so good at being.
i can be His, and that is all i need.
but to be honest, sometimes you make me forget that this is about
me & Him.
& nothing/no one else.
there, i said it.
you aggravate me.
you get under my skin.
you hurt my feelings.
the truth is that i was ready to throw in the towel.
eager, even. anxious.
ready for that new page,the fresh start.
& then He decided that wasn't His plan.
the thing is, we all know i'm not on equal terms.
that i'm always going to be a [word i refuse to type, which you so love to use.]
that you'll always consider july 17th proof enough that i'm inferior.
that you'll always treat me differently.
& that i'll always let you; that i gave up trying to change it.
i think something i use as a life motto is that people are not projects.
i don't need to be under your wing, thank you very much.
i don't need you.
do you want to know the truth?
i left there, in may, without saying a word.
and do you know how many times anyone checked on me?
that'd be a grand total of zero.
& the truth is, that i know i could do that at any point.
that i could never go back, no questions asked.
& that idea is tempting;
some days i half-beg for it.
& that terrifies me.
mostly, i've realized what i guess i knew all along:
it's just me & Him.
it's always been me & Him.
because what it really comes down to is
the fact that some people can't get past a date or a label.
the fact that this is my battle, & no one else is going to fight it.
it's me & Him.
& the thing is, i know that when i have Him on my side, i can do hard things.
i can be that tough little cookie i used to be so good at being.
i can be His, and that is all i need.
but to be honest, sometimes you make me forget that this is about
me & Him.
& nothing/no one else.
11.08.2011
[fears]
we had to make a list of our fears in one of my classes.
i don't consider myself an especially fearful person.
but, after compiling a list, i've decided that i'm scared of some of the oddest things...
enjoy ;)
i don't consider myself an especially fearful person.
but, after compiling a list, i've decided that i'm scared of some of the oddest things...
enjoy ;)
- finding a baby in a public toilet [i have no idea where this stems from, but i always check for a baby before i pee.]
- heights
- touching raw meat
- worms
- puking
- grasshoppers
- parking lots. i have this self-centered idea that every male wants to kidnap & rape me. [i watch way too dang much csi...]
- spideys
- shaking boys' hands [i know how often those things get washed, and i also know they touch their junk to pee. ew.]
- drowning / water in general
- being pregnant [i watch way too much "i didn't know i was pregnant" & it's hard for me to remember that is totally physically impossible for me, due to my lack of doing boys...]
- a ghosty being in the shower with me. i NEVER close my eyes to rinse my hair out. i don't want her to get me.
- getting in a car wreck
- becoming a cat lady [ok, it's a fear / possible life choice. i haven't decided yet...]
11.06.2011
cause without you, things go hazy.
I have an entire weekend of Lincoln pictures to share.
But tonight I need to ramble.
I need to sort out my head.
____________________________________________________
I've been asked big questions, the past few weeks. I've been told big statements.
Things that made me stop & catch my breath.
"How is that bringing you closer to Him? How is that preparing for the temple?"
If the temple is my goal, if returning to Him is what I live for, then why would I do anything that didn't point in that direction?! Why worry about the rest? Why do anything that doesn't directly reflect those goals?
"Maybe you're asking the wrong question."
Maybe I am. Maybe it wasn't about where, or how, or when, or why. Maybe it was about who. Maybe it is about me, following the Spirit.
"Do you trust me?"
Absolutely. One hundred percent.
Does that scare me?
It should, shouldn't it? Everything I've experienced tells me, "Yes, be terrified. Hold back."
But I don't. & I don't even want to.
I'm all in.
"Happiness isn't a suggestion--it's a commandment."
My goodness, I needed that reminder.
___________________________________________________
It's weeks like this, when I make up my mind what I want,
& He disagrees.
When I decide & say, "Hey, this is what I'm going to do."
& He informs me that isn't His plan at all.
& I remember I am His. I am here, to do His work, and follow His commandments, and learn and grow, and find happiness.
In my heart, I know the one sure route to happiness is Him.
But in my selfishness, I hesitate to pray for those answers, for fear I won't like the answer I receive.
___________________________________________________
Things I've Learned Today:
--It's time to stop asking for that ten minutes. Time to grow up. Time to not need those boys. [& if I discover that I do, I will fake, fake, fake that I don't.]
--Sometimes intentions are a whole heck of a lot better than the words that come out of a person's mouth. Ignore that word. Ignore the wing comment. No hurt feelings are allowed, by stupid comments.
--I should expect more of myself; demand more of myself. A year & four months. & yet, I'm pretty dang stagnant. Time to figure my crap out? [Yeah. A long time ago, actually...]
--Be grateful; Find the little positive things. Find the happy points.
--I already knew this, but I was really reminded how badly I want to eventually marry a man who honors his Priesthood. I can't imagine wanting less.
___________________________________________________
Time to catch some shut eye; I promise tomorrow will come with a way-less-serious blog update of my weekend. [GBR!!]
XO.
But tonight I need to ramble.
I need to sort out my head.
____________________________________________________
I've been asked big questions, the past few weeks. I've been told big statements.
Things that made me stop & catch my breath.
"How is that bringing you closer to Him? How is that preparing for the temple?"
If the temple is my goal, if returning to Him is what I live for, then why would I do anything that didn't point in that direction?! Why worry about the rest? Why do anything that doesn't directly reflect those goals?
"Maybe you're asking the wrong question."
Maybe I am. Maybe it wasn't about where, or how, or when, or why. Maybe it was about who. Maybe it is about me, following the Spirit.
"Do you trust me?"
Absolutely. One hundred percent.
Does that scare me?
It should, shouldn't it? Everything I've experienced tells me, "Yes, be terrified. Hold back."
But I don't. & I don't even want to.
I'm all in.
"Happiness isn't a suggestion--it's a commandment."
My goodness, I needed that reminder.
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It's weeks like this, when I make up my mind what I want,
& He disagrees.
When I decide & say, "Hey, this is what I'm going to do."
& He informs me that isn't His plan at all.
& I remember I am His. I am here, to do His work, and follow His commandments, and learn and grow, and find happiness.
In my heart, I know the one sure route to happiness is Him.
But in my selfishness, I hesitate to pray for those answers, for fear I won't like the answer I receive.
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Things I've Learned Today:
--It's time to stop asking for that ten minutes. Time to grow up. Time to not need those boys. [& if I discover that I do, I will fake, fake, fake that I don't.]
--Sometimes intentions are a whole heck of a lot better than the words that come out of a person's mouth. Ignore that word. Ignore the wing comment. No hurt feelings are allowed, by stupid comments.
--I should expect more of myself; demand more of myself. A year & four months. & yet, I'm pretty dang stagnant. Time to figure my crap out? [Yeah. A long time ago, actually...]
--Be grateful; Find the little positive things. Find the happy points.
--I already knew this, but I was really reminded how badly I want to eventually marry a man who honors his Priesthood. I can't imagine wanting less.
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Time to catch some shut eye; I promise tomorrow will come with a way-less-serious blog update of my weekend. [GBR!!]
XO.
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