& that's how i feel right now, so just let me be.

random alison ramblings:
--i feel like microwaves shouldn't have little windows on the front. it only makes me want to press my face against it, but putting your head too close to microwaves kills braincells. i blame that window for my ever-increasing level of stupidity.
--some weeks you really, really need your inbox to say (1). i can't tell you how that feels, but this was one of those weeks. & yet, it says (0). life goes on.
--i believe in tough love. would i rather you tell me what i want to hear? yes. but do i need to hear that i'm being a selfish brat and that i need to get over it? double yes.
--i am a dr. pepper addict. dead ser.
--my professor told us fingernails grow on average 5 centimeters a year. i don't believe that. i bite my nails all day every day. there's no way i'm only gettin' 5 centimeters a year... there just isn't.
--i live in sweat pants, haven't actually done my makeup in well over six months, and have some serious splitends. not exactly what you'd call a hottie... & to be quite honest, i really don't care.
--february is over. i can't tell you how much of a relief it is to be able to turn another page of the calendar.
--secretly, i'm booksmart. & i actually don't mind school that much.
--i just found out i've been missing survivor. not only is this awful news, but apparantly boston rob is on again this season. yes, THE boston rob, who is in my list of top ten eyecandy... sigh. if only he wouldn't open his mouth... he's so much more attractive when he's silent.
--i love when girls have boy names. blake is my all-time favorite. brice comes in at a close second.
--i am tougher than you give me credit for being [but a bigger wuss than i would like to admit.]
--best advice i've been given this week: to give people a chance to let me down. i push and shove before anyone gets too close.

threesixtyfive.

sunday. 2/27/11: somehow, waking up to a hallway that smelled like vomit [& a stairwell that smelled worse] and beer bottles in the hallway didn't really put me in a great mood. just sayin'. but i don't go to a party school or anything. no sirree... absolutely not.

monday. 2-28-11: happy last day of february. to celebrate, i wrote three papers and rearranged my bulletin boards. [which once again reminds me how little artistic flair i have. sighhh.]

freefall.

"when you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on."
...or you could always just let go of the rope and see what happens.

---

perhaps the most valuable piece of information i've learned in the past eight months is that it's possible for your heart to ache and be joyful, over the same thing, at the same time. & sometimes it's important to let the joyful outweigh the ache. but sometimes, on my most selfish days, i wish i hadn't had to learn that.

my life as a stoner?

Thursday, Feb. 24th

welcome to my life. egg rolls, rice, & chinese homework. i'm pretty much in denial of the fact that i'm not asian. whoops.

friday, february 25:

at this point i was starting to feel like i was dieing. so i started my pillpopping sesh. [see saturday.]

saturday, feb. 26:

okay, so... my night in review--basically i thought i was dieing today. cough, sore throat, headache, slight fever, etc, etc. so i got some much-needed supplies from target and continued with my every-four-hours-of-ibuprofen. and took pretty much anything i thought might help out of my assortment of past colds/coughs/sorethroats medicines.
unfortunately, i'm an idiot and forgot that when taking pills you're expected to eat & also not to just take whatever seems logical at the second. [good thing i worked at a pharmacy, right?! i paid attention...]
so. tonight, i kept getting super dizzy. like, about-to-pass-out-dizzy. and i totally forgot the amount of meds i had running through my body. & decided [because i watch too much csi] that i was getting carbon monoxide poisoning. so i had all four windows open, and literally was, like, pressing my face against the screen trying not to panic as i talked to my best friend. seriously. i'm a nutjob. i asked everyone i knew what to do. i was like... trying not to cry and kept thinking "oh my gosh, i'm gonna die like the girl on csi!" and then i kept thinking, "don't fall asleep or you won't wake up." yadda yadda. seriously. i should be institutionalized. i was googling carbon monoxide symptoms and was preparing to go to wal-mart to buy a carbon monoxide tester. etc, etc. seriously. i'm crazy, it's official. and the whole time i kept thinking "you really are crazy, alison. you're okay. there's not carbon monoxide," but i was super scared to even breath, and kept thinking how ticked off i would be if i died from it. hahaha.i literally spent the entire night feeling like i was stoned. i spose you're not sposed to take any and all pills that seemed like they might help... whoops. on a brighter note i've been coughing less and am sorta able to see straight now and am pretty well convinced carbon monoxide is not my issue & that being completely crazy and panic-driven is.

i should not be allowed to live on my own. this girl needs a roommate. [woah, can't believe i just said that...]

"free advice" --kind of like spitting

so you call her & you expect her to care. she don't care. who's in the wrong? even if it hasn't been that long, she's none of your business anymore.

[a teeny tiny explanation]

i s'pose i owe a little explanation of the title of this blog... "the road less [whatever you call it]."  it's not original. it's actually borrowed... twice. i got it from a kate voegele song--"we the dreamers."

"robert frost is in your pocket; the road less whatever-you-call-it"

she borrowed the idea from the robert frost poem "the road not taken," which was one i read and re-read my senior year of high school, in my advanced composition class.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

at the time, i searched the words, trying to relate them to myself.  for the first time they're seeming relatable. & taking this path truly has "made all the difference." there's not a single day i doubt that.
hence, the title. borrowed & re-borrowed words, for something i can not explain to you.

-----

Maybe I would have protected my heart from some things, but would that really have been better? To hold myself apart because I was too scared that something might not be forever...

kfc

Tuesday 02.22.11:if you think this looks like dog food, you're prettymuch correct. for dinner i had reheated mashed potatoes from kfc [which, for the record, weren't even that great the first time around...] i know that yesterday i was saying i needed to meet up with mr. treadmill... but maybe we can start the whole dieting+exercising thing tomorrow, instead? :) and thus is my life as a 20-year-old college student, with barely enough energy to drag my butt to class, let alone think about what i'm putting into my body. whoopsies. tomorrow....

xo. al

ohh, happy day.

feb. 21, 2010:

syd & i went drove to a smc/max game today, to watch the boys [ben & gabe]. i wore my cyclones sweatshirt, & sat on the max side... my bad. :S [but come on! i couldn't pick one team! i just couldn't...]

afterwards i got to see one of my bessssties, gabe, for a few minutes, and also got to experience de ja vu with one of our favorite people ever... [ahh, small towns. how i love thee.]

oh, and i was reminded of gabe's [rude] comments ;) :

me: my shoulders hurt

gabe: what did you do? run or something?
me: oh my gosh! you're such a jerk!

gabe: what?! i don't judge your inactive lifestyle... i was just saying. maybe running hurt your shoulders?

tonight i'm grateful for friends who remind me that i should probably make a date with a treadmill sometime soon. :)

{today i believe in...}

{change}

i just found this pic from my senior year & couldn't help but laugh. i believe that this is what we define as a "hot mess." [i'd say i've changed a bit, eh?]

i think it's easy to be afraid of change. the word carries a negative connotation. but maybe, just maybe, a change here and there isn't so bad. maybe it's exactly what i need.

{happiness}

i believe in this kind of happy {chadron state park, summer '94}. i believe in laughter & being carefree & having an endless supply of hope.

& sometimes, it takes nights like tonight to remember that.

{setting goals}

i never knew you could fall in love with a place, until this summer when i visited temple square{07.17.10, salt lake city temple}. there is nothing i want more than to get married in a temple someday. it's a goal i try to work towards every single day.

p365.

Saturday, Feb. 19, 2011
welcome to the mid-west... this is about all there is to it.

[weeks like this make me crave the ocean.]

Sunday, Feb. 20, 2011

let's be honest. sundays are pretty much the only day i bother to get ready. it's picture-worthy. &, plus, that's my fav headband. i wear it no matter what color i'm wearing. i never pay attention to if it matches or not. i feel matching is irrelevant to my life. {yeah. i got ready TWICE today. pathetic.}

[ps--this picture is proof that is DEFINITELY time for me to invest in a tanning card. i'm practically see-through... seriously. look at the white part of my eye, in comparison to my skin. it's pretty much identical. time to dig out my goggles and prepare for some burnin' and peelin'. i know someday i'll get wrinkles & sun cancer, but that seems like a small price in comparison to being albino... :)]

---

Thursday, Feb. 17: Stella & I snuggled. She was yawning here, but I agree that she's pretty ferocious [& Asian.]

Friday, Feb. 18 -- Today I got all Martha Stewart and made fried potatoes. & I didn't even burn them, burn myself, or cut myself. Success.

& so it begins.

here we go! it's this challenge called p365. you're supposed to take a picture a day for a year. we'll see how many hair colors I can have & how much makeup I can lack in a year ;)
i'm excited to look back on the days and weeks and months [& i like a little bit of every-day-routine in my life, so this seems like a simple enough routine to maintain.]

alright, so i suppose it's a bad sign when already on day one i'm like "uhh, what am i supposed to take a picture of?" but! i snapped this picture because it's pretty much how every morning starts for me: dr. pepper & a bendy straw. i'm basically a dr. pepper addict. the only thing that even comes close is my choco milk obsession. plus, this picture shows my winter-y paleness & real pretty facial expressions... :)

xoxo.