seriously, if you're of the female gender and don't own it--just order it.
my big sister gave it to me at what i now know was the darkest part of my life. and at the time, i read it and gained some perspective; but ohh, the perspective it has given me as i've re-read it the past few years. it's one of my favorite presents. [ps--if you wanna borrow my copy...let me know. i'm a good share-er.]
if i'd known then.
sixteen year old me,
oh, sweetie--take a deep breath. what are you doing?! you've hit your low, and you've sat there for far too long. but here's the truth: it will get better. you will find you. and you will love the heck out of yourself.
don't waste too many tears on silly boys & fake girls. high school will end, and you will forget all about it, except to read through old journals and laugh--and i promise you, you'll really truly laugh.
you'll graduate, and you'll make your momma and daddy so so proud. remember that feeling. remember that, no matter what, you can go home. you can always go home. maybe not always see eye-to-eye on everything, but you have home. and when it's hard, run there. go eat mom's cooking and complain through stupid shows on the History channel, and cherish every minute you get with your family. because family is forever. you'll learn.
you're not going to get what you think you want: you won't go far away for school. and you'll spend a few years, at that school, wondering why you picked it. dreaming of transferring. but it'll make sense, eventually. & oh, you'll be so grateful, then.
don't worry too much. remember to belly laugh. &, for pete's sake, stop wearing so much freakin' eyeliner. you look ridiculous.
remember your roots, but remember that it's ok to branch out from them--that's what life is for.
keep debating. keep arguing and thinking and wondering. because it will take you great places. don't be afraid of what you believe and what you feel. your heart will take you where you need to be.
there's going to be a lot of hurts. but there will be even more healing, i promise. keep that chin up, and love a little harder. you're gonna be ok.
love,
me
july 17, 2010
alison renae,
YOU DID IT! and oh, i am so proud of you! soak it all in, cherish it, and remember how you feel right now. you will need that, later. the next year is gonna be tough. you are going to doubt yourself along the way; but never, ever doubt Him.
you will learn a lot about what you do and don't like, in the next year; remember that, when you deal with those around you. remember how much you hate to be separated, because of today's date. remember what it is to be a member, and remember that you are so loved.
never, ever apologize for being a convert. you will grow to hate that word; you will hate being set at a different level. but remember that this was His plan. & that is so beautiful. remember that He wanted today to be your day, and anyone who thinks you did it 11 years late is wrong. you did it right on time--you did it on His time. today is your day, and more importantly His day. and really, i promise, nothing else matters.
remember that their choices are in no way a reflection of your testimony. you will hear that you're a pioneer, and that you'll be a light, over and over. never think that other people's poor choices means your light isn't bright enough. just shine as hard as you can--love as hard as you can.
there are going to be days you're asked to do impossibly hard things, days when you have no idea what He wants. do them. you will grow.
more than anything, know that it is going to be ok. that in the end, everything is going to work out. know that you are so, so loved, even when you feel it least.
this is going to be tough. and i wish someone had told me that, on july 17th. don't be afraid to admit when you're nervous or worried or scared. don't be afraid to ask for advice. when you do, you'll get some of the best advice ever. you will have the best big brothers in the world. you will meet amazing women who inspire you. believe them, when they tell you you're doing ok. you are. let Him bless you with them. they truly are your blessings.
write your grateful lists. read talk after talk, and scripture after scripture. & talk to Him. really, really talk. even when it's over silly little things. the more you do that, the more you'll find you.
above all else, don't stress. life is good; you are loved.
<3
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