8.28.2011

[blessings]

To be honest, I've been in a funk. I've been pissy, and I've been sad, and I've just been every negative emotion. And the longer I was like that, the more upset I was getting that I couldn't just wake up, just one day, and be positive and trust the plan and be me again.
Seriously, everything seemed to go wrong, the past couple of weeks. I won't go into details, mostly because I don't have a whole lot of polite things to say. ;) But... it wasn't the best.
I'm hoping that this ends that. I'm hoping that today was the answer. I'm hoping that I'm going to have a fabulous week and welcome the Spirit into my life and be happy.

Today, I thought of how much I have to be grateful for. I really do have so much. I am so freakin' blessed, and yet I just spent days, wondering "why this, why that?" Who.freakin.cares. Time to be positive, and to recognize what I do have:
--An amazing family. My momma made me supper this weekend, and proofread my paper, and did my laundry. She still takes care of me. & she doesn't even whine about it. My daddy would do anything for me. And I do mean anything. He once called and yelled at a [w]itch parking lady. & he must've done a good job, because she apologized to me. My parents got me through my darkest times--picked me up, and hugged me, and loved the crap out of me, when I didn't deserve it one bit. My sisters both get me...Every little quirk & habit. & they love me anyway. They make me laugh and I know that, no matter what, they'll always be my best of friends. While we don't all see eye-to-eye on everything, I do know how blessed I am to have them.
--The opportunity to go to school. I know I'm blessed to have the scholarships I have. I know this will open up so many doors for me. [It's just hard to remember that when your teachers assign a thousand and two things the first week, and you spend an arm and TWO legs for your freakin' books. ;)] & someday I'm going to have an awesome career!! Someday...
--My friends. Holy cow, I have some of the best friends. 
Last week I called my absolute best friend in the world at, like, one in the morning, crying about some boy [pshhh, his loss.] and do you know what she told me? She told me how I'm not self-centered, how I am always thinking of others, how I'm a good friend to people, and how I should never listen to people who want to say negative things about me behind my back. And you know what? I believe her. Because the thing is, if I was being a biotch, I really think she would tell me. :) I'm so, so lucky to have someone who will remind me who I am, when I'm a hotmess.
I have other really great friends, too. Friends who make me laugh my butt off, and friends who will call me just to say goodnight, and friends who will leave me Facebook comments about spooning [seriously, Gabe leaves me at least 10 a week], and friends who accept me--outspoken, crazy, me. And, really, what more could I ask for? I know so, so many people who have to try around their friends--I show up, in sweats, with no makeup, rambling a thousand words a minute, and they love me anyway.
--The Gospel. I can honestly say that living by the principles and standards of the church has never been the easiest choice for me. There are days when I'm exhausted, and I am tired of trying to constantly grow, and improve, and be better than I was the day before. And I know that so many people wonder why I do it. But I am blessed because of it. I learn so much about myself, when I do what I know is right. I feel happier and more successful. & it's not that since I was baptized, my life has been perfect--far from it.  But I know that I am doing what is right. I know that we are here to learn and to grow and to stretch in ways we don't think we're capable of.  That is a blessing.
--Material things. I have somewhere to sleep every night. I have food to eat. I have everything I need, and then some.
--Music. Ohmygoodness, music. It keeps me sane. Sometimes I think I make that two-hour drive home so that I have two hours of me + music. No distractions. [I probably should be distracted by driving... Obviously, I'm an awesome vehicle operator. Oops.]

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