ramblings.

"You can't live your life for other people. You've got to do what's right for you, even if it hurts some people you love."

I didn't picture my semester ending like this.
Actually, if you'd asked me a week ago, I'd have told you things were perfect. I'd have had a cheery smile and a positive attitude and I'd have worked my butt off to believe it.
I came to the realization today that I miss me. That I miss my belly laughs and smartace comments and sassiness. That I miss my lame sense of humor and my loud personality. I realized I am exhausted with second-guessing every move I make. With constantly worrying about the future and about other people's feelings.
I saw an old picture this week:

& I freakin' miss me. I found myself missing that crinkled-up nose type of laugh. I miss that-type-of-happy.

Some [perfectly perfect] advice later, I know what I need for me. & I'm not saying that makes the decision any easier than it was an hour ago, but it makes me feel like at least my thoughts are validated. Like at least I'm not a terrible person. Like I can care about him and support him, without giving up me or basing every decision around him.

Deep breaths, until the next week and a half is over.

Then I'll get some food and sleep in me, and remember what it's like to breathe.

Summer, please hurry your butt up. I need you.