randoms.

i've been spending a lot of time with this whole self-discovery thing. aren't you supposed to do this when you're, like, fourteen? [i guess i was too busy, probably with flirting. my bad. & thank goodness i got over that stage...] anyway. i've been thinking a lot about what makes me "me".  what's different? what's defining? what are my strengths, my flaws? so. this is the list i wrote down last night before bed. keep in mind i had very little sleep, so some of it gets pretty random.

--i tend to be brutally honest. i say what i think, but i truly don't mean to be rude.
--i hate being asked questions or put on the spot. if you do that, you can expect silence.
--i love my family, more than anything. & i feel bad for people who don't.
--i believe in love stories, because my grandma and grandpa have the best love story ever. if love stories didn't exist, then my momma wouldn't. {& thus, neither would i.}
--i tend to think more on the liberal side of things. maybe i'm even a little bit of a socialist. if i can pay more in taxes and that means a family has a fighting chance, then i'm more than willing. & it's not that i believe in handouts, it's not that i think people should be given something for nothing. i just believe in second chances and paying it forward. i believe that in a wealthy nation, people shouldn't be starving to death and dieing because they can't pay to go to the doctor.
--if you want to tick me off, you'll say someone should "learn our language" if they're gonna live here. there's no official language of the United States. [but since you're such a proud and perfect American, you knew that, right? eyeroll.] i believe in diversity.
--& for the record, i'm all for immigration. we've got tons of room still, and the more people that come here, the more jobs that will be created. [& unless if you're native american, i'd have to assume you aren't anti-immigration, right? because otherwise, how'd your family get here...? just sayin'.]
--i've been called a feminist. i disagree. it's not that i think i deserve special treatment because i'm a girl. i just don't think the fact that you have balls means you deserve special treatment, either.
--i am crazy-in-love with this one boy.
--i have a really loud laugh. and the more i laugh the funnier i think it is that i'm still laughing.
--something i can't stand is being talked down to.
--i love to read.
--i hate being called stupid. mostly because i'm not. if it were true, i'd be less offended.
--i'm really afraid of the dark.
--i'm feisty. my dad always laughs at the things i shoot back, and the rate i can spit 'em out. it's usually in a playful way, though, i swear.
--i have a two-second attention span.
--i am the least artistic person you will ever meet. that doesn't stop me from tryin' though. in my head, i think i'm super creative and i have all these awesome ideas. the ideas just generally [as in, always] end up awful. ;)
--i'm still trying to decide how i lived past the age of 16. dumb teenager=me.
--i love babies. i love baby smell. i love playing with them. i love rocking them to sleep. i love everything about them. but if someone's watching me hold a baby i get super nervous.
--it's really hard to get me to trust you. i can actually probably count on two hands how many people i trust.
--i replay a day from earlier this winter in my mind pretty much on a daily basis. and i laugh each time:
     man at church--"so do you have any friends here who are lds?"
     me--"no."
     man at church--"oh... but you have friends, right?"
     me--"uhh... yep i do." *awkward laughing*
[if you were wondering, he's old and i think he really did mean it kindly. every time i see him i want to hug him. it was nice of him to make sure i had friends. i actually feel like if i'd said no, he'd have been my best friend. he is that kind. i'm kindof regretting that i didn't say no, in fact. he tells the funniest/best/most drawn out stories ever. he's a good guy.]
--i truly feel like 90% of the male gender is not marriage material. shoot, they're not even dating material...
--i'm really, really blessed.
--& i tend to be completely ungrateful. i'm working on that.
--i want to be a momma. i want to adopt. & not in that i-want-to-adopt-a-kid-from-a-third-world-country-so-people-will-see-i'm-a-good-person way.
--i look just like my daddy, except i'm prettymuch albino. i always joke that my sisters got the good genes. ;)
--i hate my voice. absolutely hate it.

like i said, i was pretty tired.... so some of it gets a tadbit random. whoops.
xo.