blessed, to say the least

facts:
one of the scariest parts of my week,
is pulling on my pj shirt & realizing it doesn't smell like the owner anymore.
not even a little.
no matter where i smell it.
& realizing it'll be months before it does.
& trying not to panic.
deep breaths.
keep calm, & carry on.


"well he loves you, and that is all i know."
my goodness, that was the most reassuring moment of my day.
a little flicker of light.

in my head, i know what people will think; what they will say.
& i know the reality. i know the truth.
i know what did, & what most definitely did not, happen.
i know how much it was prayed about.
i know.
& so i don't need anyone else to.

it's been a long day.
another long day.
a day of alison over-analyzing & being crazy.
i'll be honest. i'm freakin' losing it.
but i think you would be, too.
i think that, if you were in my shoes, you'd be just as messy.
& even if you weren't, i am.
& i don't care what that says about me.

today i was reminded how proud He is of me;
one of my favorite people told me how little anyone else matters;
how it's about the fact that He is proud of me,
& how i should be proud of myself,
& that is enough.
how i need to stop being hard on myself,
& remember the journey i've made.
remember how far i've come,
rather than concentrate solely on how far i have to go.

i am blessed.

right now, i'm ready for a weekend of fun.
ready to breathe.
ready to be okay again.
ready to remember who i am, remember who He loves. <3
[& remember who he loves.]