cause without you, things go hazy.

I have an entire weekend of Lincoln pictures to share.
But tonight I need to ramble.
I need to sort out my head.
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I've been asked big questions, the past few weeks. I've been told big statements.
Things that made me stop & catch my breath.


"How is that bringing you closer to Him? How is that preparing for the temple?"
If the temple is my goal, if returning to Him is what I live for, then why would I do anything that didn't point in that direction?! Why worry about the rest? Why do anything that doesn't directly reflect those goals?


"Maybe you're asking the wrong question."
Maybe I am. Maybe it wasn't about where, or how, or when, or why.  Maybe it was about who.  Maybe it is about me, following the Spirit.


"Do you trust me?"
Absolutely. One hundred percent.
Does that scare me?
It should, shouldn't it? Everything I've experienced tells me, "Yes, be terrified. Hold back."
But I don't. & I don't even want to.
I'm all in.


"Happiness isn't a suggestion--it's a commandment."
My goodness, I needed that reminder.
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It's weeks like this, when I make up my mind what I want,
& He disagrees.
When I decide & say, "Hey, this is what I'm going to do."
& He informs me that isn't His plan at all.
& I remember I am His. I am here, to do His work, and follow His commandments, and learn and grow, and find happiness.


In my heart, I know the one sure route to happiness is Him.
But in my selfishness, I hesitate to pray for those answers, for fear I won't like the answer I receive.
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Things I've Learned Today:
--It's time to stop asking for that ten minutes. Time to grow up. Time to not need those boys. [& if I discover that I do, I will fake, fake, fake that I don't.]
--Sometimes intentions are a whole heck of a lot better than the words that come out of a person's mouth.  Ignore that word. Ignore the wing comment. No hurt feelings are allowed, by stupid comments.
--I should expect more of myself; demand more of myself. A year & four months. & yet, I'm pretty dang stagnant. Time to figure my crap out? [Yeah. A long time ago, actually...]
--Be grateful; Find the little positive things. Find the happy points.
--I already knew this, but I was really reminded how badly I want to eventually marry a man who honors his Priesthood. I can't imagine wanting less.
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Time to catch some shut eye; I promise tomorrow will come with a way-less-serious blog update of my weekend. [GBR!!]
XO.