some nights, i can't help but feel the distance from "that" girl to "this" girl. i can't help but realize how far i've come. i'm not even certain that that is an accurate statement--"how far i've come"? more like "how far He's carried me." some days i really see that transformation. some days i feel it.
i don't think everyone necessarily gets that. i think it's hard to explain what it's like to go from being in such a dark place to actually being alive. i can't explain to you the miracles i've seen in my life--the drastic changes, the doors that have been opened, the people who have taken care of me, my views that have been re-formed.
i can't explain all the details.
i can't tell you what happened in between being "that" girl and becoming "this" girl. but i can tell you that the Gospel is real. that He lives. & that there is hope.
i can tell you that even when "this" girl is far from where i should be, even when "this" girl makes mistakes & could be better, that even though i have a million & one ways to improve & to grow, that He loves me & that He knows me & that that relationship is real.
i can't honestly tell you that i have ever woken up & thought "this Gospel is the easiest path for me." there are so many ways i could go that would be easier. there are so many choices i could make that would be thoughtless & would not help me grow as a person & would improve my life in no way, shape, or form but would be easier. it's never occurred to me that living this way is the easiest way. but i also wouldn't really consider living any other way. knowing what i know, & believing what i believe, there is no way i could ever go back to "that" girl.
"this" girl is much too happy.
excuse my ramblings.
tonight's been reminisce-y.
xo.
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