i know i promised uplifting talks from our apostles and leaders. i know i promised a week of happy-happy.
but today just wasn't that type of day, i guess.
it still surprises me that every single time, right when i start to get comfy, that the rug gets pulled out from under me. it still somehow shocks me that when i start to pull it all together, it all unravels so quickly. i still find myself walking in circles some days. that's the truth-- that i'm not always sure which way to go or if i should just stand still for a minute.
& tonight has been one of those typical alison types of nights. those ones where i say how "fine" i am and get little miss toughgirl back out and instantly i find those walls. it's hard not to be frustrated. it's hard not to be angry. it's hard not to be abso-freakin-lutely terrified.
& i think that today i have been reminded that some days, i'm going to be asked to
fight like hell.
& that's not a terrible thing. i'm certain some day i will appreciate the knowledge i gain from these trials.
chin up. head high. tomorrow i will be positive & tell you everything i'm grateful for & remember who i am and who i'm growing into. i will be happy that i have trials & i will be stronger & i will smile too much & it will all be ok.
but as for now, i'm just going to go sink into bed with my scriptures & try to find the words i'm craving, whatever they may be.
[please don't ask me when this became instinct--please don't ask me when i started relying on those outloud, pour-out-my-heart prayers or read-my-scriptures-until-my-eyes-won't-stay-open types of nights. but thank goodness for the boys who showed me their wonderful example & taught me to rely on Him. thank goodness for hope.]
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